As I am taking a psychology class on theories of personality, One individual that stood out to me was Carl Rogers. He was a firm believer in communicating all feelings to avoid build-up, which results in an inappropriate relay of emotion once one has reached an overwhelming level. Doing so involves risk but can result in growth.
15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. ~ Ephesians 4:15
Learning to accept my imperfections as a perfectionist. I’ve noticed I struggle with vulnerability. I’ve always been aware of this struggle. Still, I’ve never fully acknowledged it’s depth or the impact it has had on my relationships. As I have experimented with coming out of my shell and expressing myself, I have noticed the dynamics of my relationships changing. It is common for me to expect people to be able to have tough conversations. Still, my level of vulnerability, once I do open up, is much deeper than the average person. As a result, when people respond with less than loving arms, I clam up and revert back to my quietness, assuming this is the best way to carry through life. However, this has led me towards the perpetuation of guilt for speaking up. Ultimately, I feel like a burden for speaking up, and then anger for feeling wrong about vocalizing my needs. Once these feelings pass, I get irritated, and tension builds up until so many things occur that I can no longer keep my thoughts to myself. My emotions bleed through in everything I do. I am slowly learning to speak up even if it means being greeted with anger or rejection. As much as it hurts me, I know it’s an essential step for me to live a better life. So I welcome discussion, I welcome apologizing from both my end and theirs. I carry on, regardless of the outcome. I become thankful for these opportunities that open my eyes to faults in myself and others. These impact any relationship and by working through them it is my hope that not only myself but others involved, as well, can grow through the situation. I am grateful for those in my life who have contributed to these experiences, both good and bad. In the end, if you let it, all situations allow an opportunity for self-reflection, deeper connectivity, and stronger interpersonal relationships. Blessings!